Dreams, Hopes & Decisions
by Biene
Summary: Penelope Garcia has a lot to think about after Alaska, especially Derek Morgan and Kevin Lynch. Spoilers for 5x21 Exit Wounds


A/N: Yeah, once more I'm back! It's been a while because of a big writer's block and this managed to snap me out of it, even if it took some time.

For those who are reading other incomplete stories written by me: I hope I'll be able to work on them soon, especially „Nightmare".

Usual disclaimer applies, don't own Criminal Mind, never will, you get the point.

Now finally: Enjoy!

Penelope Garcia closed the door behind her with a sigh. She let go of her traveling bag which fell on the floor with a loud thud. The laptop she was still carrying around her neck was placed on the coffee table, then she plopped down on the couch. That case in Alaska was still gnawing at her and despite Derek's reassuring words she was still a little scared she was going to lose herself because of the job. Her memory of this little encounter was very fresh in her mind, she could recall every single detail, every word, every touch, every feeling he had stirred up in her.

She sighed again, this time not from exhaustion though, but from not really knowing what to do. For almost 6 years now she'd worked with Derek and from the beginning she had felt herself being drawn to him. Under the assumption she was not - and would never be - in his league all she had ever wanted was to be his friend, burying the thoughts of more as deep as possible. Only after the Battle disaster, after their „I love you"'s she had begun to believe there was a slight chance he could feel the same for her. Then she'd met Kevin and knowing he loved her she jumped at the chance, also knowing she wouldn't risk getting hurt - like she would with Derek - should he leave her because her heart wasn't really in it. It wasn't that she didn't love Kevin, she loved him as a very close friend. She enjoyed being with him and the sex was fun. The forbidden thought that it would be even more fun with Derek entered her mind, but was thrown aside with a little guilt. After all she _had_ a boyfriend, she shouldn't think like that about someone else. She knew Kevin viewed him as a rival, they'd had quite a few arguments about the fact that the relationship between her and Morgan was too close. Sharing a room with him on this case had not exactly helped matters, had only added fuel to the fire. And if Kevin knew about the „I kinda love you"...

This time she was almost certain the meaning behind his was „I'm _in love_ with you". If she was honest she had meant it this way, too. After the words he'd said today she couldn't help it, it was overwhelming. So she had to decide what to do, if she wanted to play safe with Kevin or if she was ready to risk everything to see if Derek really loved her and with that hurt her current boyfriend terribly. It was a tough choice, a choice she had never believed she'd have to make one day, she'd always considered herself lucky when there was even one guy interested in her.

At that point she heard her door open and close, them Kevin called: „Pen?" She rose to meet him halfway across the room, but instead of greeting him with a hug and a kiss, she halted a step before him, with a serious face. It was a decision she had made a long time ago, she just had to see and accept that. For a few moments she just looked at him, reliving memories of all the things they'd done together, then she felt her lips begin to tremble. Of course Kevin couldn't make anything out off her behavior, he wanted to hug her and ask what was wrong, but she wouldn't let him touch her. The tears forming in her eyes began to sting when she finally found her voice again.

„Kevin, I'm so sorry... I swear, I never wanted it to be this way..."

She was rambling and she knew it, so she just tried to cut to the chase.

„It's over between us, I can't be with you anymore."

She knew what Kevin was feeling right now: first shock and doubt, because he didn't want to believe in her words, then when the understanding dawned terrible pain. Oh, how she knew, how many times she had been in his position. Her heart ached for him. With a broken voice he asked:

„Do you really mean that? Damned, why?"

„Yes, I mean that... I can't do it anymore, it just doesn't feel right. I wish I could give you a better explanation."

She outright lied with this, but she couldn't bear to tell him about Derek, it would be so cruel, heartless and unnecessary.

„Then I guess this really is it. We won't be seeing each other again."

Kevin threw her key on the ground, turned and left quickly, not even waiting for her to say something more. Garcia stumbled the few steps back to the couch collapsing on it. Now she couldn't hold back the tears any longer and she wept until she had no tears left.

About an hour later the doorbell rang, but she ignored it as well as the second ring. Then she heard someone fumble with keys and a key turning in the lock. That was when she knew who it was, only one other person had the key to her apartment: the one and only Derek Morgan.

She groaned. Couldn't fate give her a break for today? Wasn't the inner turmoil from one heavily emotional talk enough? Footsteps approached her and Morgan called for her. She sniffled and wiped her eyes before she spoke.

„I'm here, Derek."

Just those words made his alarm bell ring. They were too simple, too flatly spoken, nothing flirty or witty. Something was very wrong...

Within moments he reached her kneeling down. While he reached for her hands he asked softly:

„What is it, baby girl? Tell me!"

She easily detected the concern in his voice and her lips curved in a sad smile.

„I just broke up with Kevin."

For a moment he didn't know what to say.

„I don't understand. Why? What happened?"

„Nothing specific. I just realized as much as I loved him, I wasn't in love with him. Plus, I..."

She paused and he gently urged her to go on.

„I am in love with someone else."

There, she'd said it, it had been easier than she'd thought. She looked at him, trying to silently tell him who that „someone else" was. Hope shined in his eyes and she felt him grip her hands tighter in anticipation. Derek noticed that she swallowed hard now and that was all he needed to be sure.

„Me?" He whispered, not quite convinced.

She nodded.

„I know I'm taking a big risk here and if.. if you don't feel the same, we can forget I ever said anything, I wouldn't blame you... I just needed to know..."

He hushed her by putting her index finger on her lips. After he'd finally succeeded he captured those inviting lips with his like he'd dreamed of doing for so long. She responded eagerly, within seconds she moaned, a soft sound that turned him on even more. His stubble against her smooth skin felt oddly comforting, scratching just enough to assure her this was real, it was indeed happening.

Finally Morgan pulled back a little, searching her eyes while the fingers of his right hand were placed on her chin, gingerly prevailing her from looking away.

„I love you, too, baby girl. Have for years..."

The delight and happiness he saw now warmed him inside. He'd always known when Garcia loved, she loved with her whole being - heart, mind and soul - and now the subject of that love was him! He feared he was dreaming, so he reached for her pulling her as close as possible, his head resting on hers. For minutes they stayed like that, both inhaling each others well-known scent. This time it was her who pulled back first whispering a little shyly:

„Make love to me, Derek, please. I need you."

„Are you sure? You've been through quite a lot these last days, sweetheart..."

There was nothing he'd rather do than to show her exactly how much he loved her, but more important was that she wouldn't regret it.

She smiled, that was so typical - Derek Morgan, ever the gentleman.

„Yes, I am."

That was all he needed, he cradled her in his arms and carried her to her bedroom, to the soft bed covered with red satin.

THE END

A/N: Now, tell me: How was it? It means a lot to me because it's quite personal, a lot of my own feelings played a big part in it, so it's even more important to know what you think!


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